sth has happened recently and it almost turn the whole hse upside down... bro got his gf preg for 2 mths and they r onli 18, 19 yrs old... typical trend nowadays... of cos my parents got mad upon knowing... it was a heavy lecture...

haiz~ aniwae, it was a sad decision made - abortion... what to do... both of them r still studying n my bro hav yet 2 enter ns... so they hav decided tat the best solution will b to abort the 2 mths old baby n the op was scheduled tis morn...

rushed to the clinic tis morn mainly to pay for the operation... if i aso dun help my bro, who's gona help him... so i've got no choice... i jus hope tat my money wun go to a waste... hopefully they will learn n grow frm tis lesson... when i reached n saw my bro's gf sitting on the sofa lookin so depressed, somehow i reali pity her... perhaps bcos in my mind i'm tinkin of all the procedures she nd 2 go thru later.... her emotional & physical pain... tis is sth tat she must go thru... haiz~~ 早知今日何必当初。。。thankfully she's fine aft the op... just some cramps n bleeding...

actually i'm kind of against it... afterall its a life... killing a heartbeat, tats reali cruel... but given their situation its reali tough 2 come out wif a decision not to say keep the baby... when she was signing the consent form n about 2 proceed to the op room, i reali gt the urge 2 ask her again, "is tat ur final decision?? no regrets??" but i couldnt get myself to speak... was having mixed feelings in mi....

at 1 hand, i'm hoping she will reconsider keeping the baby but on the other hand, i'm afraid she will reali gif up on abortion n it will b a lifetime burden 2 all of us... who's gona feed the baby??? who's gona look after n educate the baby?? n the mum cant even promise to be there for them... the baby's future could b ruin too... jus like olympic who has a mother like felicia... if i'm olympic, i rather my mum not to gif birth 2 mi...

haiz~ its reali a selfish act or maeb not... more of like a courageous act perhaps... i understand tat its reali not ez to come to tis decision n drag ur legs to the op room n lying down hopelessly on the op seat waitin for the doc to kill a life tat has grown in u even though its just for 2 mths.... even if its just for a day, i will tear...

the tot of killing a life makes mi lose my slp at nite... the moment i close my eyes, the images came 2 my mind... every now n then i cant help tinking of the baby is goin 2 die 2dae n ya its reali dead now... the baby is so innocent... he has been waitin so long for the chance 2 reincarnate n lead a new life but he didnt even hav the chance to see tis world... a false hope... some parents want baby aso dun hav but yet there's so many mothers choosing to abort.... sad.... i can onli say the baby came at the wrong time.... the more i tink of it, the more i feel like crying...

haiz~~ *depressed* its making mi lose my appetite n mood in everyting... wats more i'm the 1 paying for the abortion so i feel like i'm the 1 who paid to kill the baby.... the feeling isnt good at all... i feel so guilty, so sorry... i wonder if the mum feels so... but she seems ok... i tink maeb my mood is worse than her's.... ok, guess we all need time 2 recupperate....